Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this will be a night to untag.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
