omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
