i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
this is an emotional support booty call
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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