Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
