so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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