after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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