i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
4 words: hood of his car
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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