Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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