If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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