Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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