I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I party with great urgency now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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