he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
