I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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