I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
