we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
