The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
