alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
