I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
