I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
