What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
