thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
