Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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