i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
