I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
