Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Randomize
