Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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