oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
