I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
As shirtless as possible
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
