just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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