When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
