people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
