Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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