thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
