I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
