Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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