cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
