i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
