You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
