so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
