I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
