not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
