i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There r osticjed everywhere
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
