He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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