I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
