You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
