i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Pooping to opera.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
