yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
