Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
