you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
