Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
