someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
