i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
