he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
