Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
there's paper in my vomit.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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