You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
