maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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