you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
